Photojournalism Class - Feature Photo

I'm taking a 10 week Photojournalism class at Focal Point in Vancouver. Our first week we talked about what photojournalism is, ethical issues and a typical feature photo. Our homework was to shoot 5 feature photos, these are mine.

Everyone's favourite of the set..... 'Summer has Arrived'

Career Transitions Part 2

Notes from Career Coaching Session 2:

On reflection, the plan I had during my 1st career coaching session was over ambitious. Simplicity is the key, iand so is finding a niche or specialisation. What do I want to become an expert in? I talked about the Internship I hadn't got. At the time I had felt dejected, but I know it's for the best. My career coach reminded me that life is messy, there are always challenges no matter what and challenges are often disguised attempts at new opportunities. When one door closes another opens.

 

So my question is - How do I get to where I’m going? First I need to better understand where I want to go and then build a plan. Career transitions are a process, which can't be sped-up or forced. The key is to identify and remove blocks; fears or stories. The process of career transition is about exploring not committing, finding a place to start.

 

My career coach, also reminded me of the importance of information interviews. My goal this month is to do four, in the following areas: travel & tourism, small business, PR, marketing communications.

 

I often feel reluctant to ask busy people for their time but I was given some great tips on how to approach people for an information interview.

• Make it as easy as possible, show understanding for the fact that their time is stretched, express how much you appreciate their time and why.
• Acknowledge how you feel, express appreciation for their time, try language like 'would you be open to' or 'I'm looking to gain solid information about (given role or industry)', 
• Info interview can be done by phone, email or in person, ask them which works best for them
• Let them know that any time they have to give you is appreciated, even ten minutes, people tend to enjoy talking about their careers so you'll likely get more

I'm interested in:
• Creative Communications: writing, editing, strategy, marketing, photography, audio, video
• Communication (marketing) strategy, planning and implementation
• Writing for journals, magazines (small tourism and travel businesses)
• Photography – how culture and art help promote and support tourism (the reason people travel)
• Photography exposition

• Treat Entitled Canada like a job – what is my title = Marketing, Sales & Business Development

To Do Checklist (before our next meeting):
• Go back and answer my career coach's questionnaire 'Picture Your Future'
• 4 Information Interviews
• Twitter account

Resources:
• Marcus Buckingham
• Artemis Communications

~ Future Forward

Career Transitions Part 1

When I was 18, just before graduating from high school, my dad took me to Galiano Island. I clearly remember walking by some horse stables and him asking me what kind of work I as interested in, I said Animal Behaviour. I could tell from his response that this was the 'wrong' answer. In a futile attempt to please him I switched course to something more safe, practical and applicable - business studies.

I never expected to go to university but in a twist of fate I completed a BA in Marketing & Tourism and a MSc in International Management. I worked in Marketing and eventually Project Management for ten years. I took pride in my skills and the work I accomplished but I never felt connected or passionate about my work. In my 20s I spent a good 5 years trying to figure out what would be a better fit, it was a frustrating process and in the end I sadly gave up. 

Now in my late 30s I am craving connecting to meaningful work, not doing so is simply too soul destroying. My 'journey' started with an amazing BC government career search program called North Shore Compass (this program has now been cut). I learnt the importance of spending time doing things which make me feel alive, those moments when you are in the flow, in the present.

Having spent the last year healing myself I now fee ready to move forward!

My first step was to examine my existing skills and interests;

My Skills:
• Writing
• Photography
• Marketing
• Research
• Technology
• Project Management
• Property Management
• Tourism
• Teaching
• Dog Walking / Sitting
• Nature

Interests:
• Sustainability & Environment
• Tourism
• Outdoor recreation (nature)
• Economic Development
• Art & Culture
• Small / Local Business Development

My plan was to do marketing, sales and business development for my mom's fascinator & hat business Entitled Canada while also researching a career in communications: writing & photography.

I engaged a career coach - Alison Hale @ Vocational Advantage.

In our first Career Coaching Session we discussed:

• The importance of making solid decisions about my future by doing the groundwork and laying the foundation
• Be as clear and specific as possible about the kind of work I want to do
• Thinking about which areas I would want to specialise in, create a niche
• Leverage the best of yourself
• Information interviews
• Virtual mentors by following people who inspire and motivate me on twitter
• Giving myself a time frame to dream and commit to the process > focus on what you get passion from > avoid all other noise, other offers – if it doesn’t bring you joy don’t do it – no compromising
• Really figure out what brings me joy? Flesh ideas out, have a clear idea of what community you want to be part of – when you see it on paper it makes it easier to commit
• Develop the philosophy “we can do what we love”
• Focus on what we are good at – times when work didn’t feel like work – end of work day we are looking forward to tomorrow
• Be specific about how much money you want to earn, how to structure time off
• Journal about the process – coaching, thoughts, feelings, outlet

Questions

1. What do you want to create?
2. What brings you joy?
3. What’s my role?
4. Who are my clients?
5. What type of contracts?
6. How will it be branded?

~ Future Forward

The Price We Pay For 'Being' is Suffering

Life is messy, or as Buddha said "life is suffering". One thing for sure is that life is full of obstacles and challenges, and in many ways that's what makes life intersting, multi-layered and provides depth.

Suffering is necessary, without lows we can not experience highs, our life experience becomes shallow and meangingless, the opposite of a rich full life.


Over the last 6 years I have suffered many losses which led to depression. Now that I am beginning to feel myself again. Unless you have experienced depression it is very difficult to comprehend the depths of despair it can take you. For me those moments could be summed up by two words 'fuck it'.

Unfortunately the 'fuck it' attitude led me to make decisions which in turn increased my depression, and resulting in a sense of being stuck. 'Fuck it' is giving up or a giving in when it comes to doing anything to help me climb out of the pit. For example; eating well and exercising. When you are depressed, and dealing with internal struggles, sometimes the only option feels like 'fuck it' because you simply don't have the strength to make things better. I see now how 'fuck it' trapped me in a cycle of self destructive behaviour.

I recently heard a fabulous program on CBC Radio called 'Say No To Happiness' I highly recommend having a listen.

Here are a few snippets which really resonated with me - (not quite verbatim, but close enough)

Happiness doesn't propel us forward, it does not create meaning and purpose. To open yourself up to happiness you have to also open yourself up to deep loss and sorrow. The purpose of life is not happiness, and this is in fact a relief. Life is complex, and tragic and difficult. The problem with the public portrayal of the ideal state of humanness as happiness, is that it makes people feel ashamed of their own suffering. If you are suffering and you find your life tragic in it's essence then that means that there is something wrong with them and this makes it impossible to for them to communicate anything real about their own tragedy.  

"If you are constantly in a state of placidity, satisfaction and happiness then nothing is going to affect you deeply enough; not your own suffering, not the suffering of others, not injustice, not the horrors of the world, then nothing is going to affect you deeply enough so that you become deep and life without depth is by definition shallow and meaningless, and the problem is that because life is tragic and involves suffering, if your philosophy is shallow and meaningless when you suffer you will become recently and hostile and self critical and then you will become cruel and destructive and so not only is there a necessity for your own mental health to forth rightly confront the deepest questions of life but if you don't you become a danger to yourself and more importantly to others."

At the end of the show they talk about the benefits of using your values as a compass to navigate through life, rather than happiness.

One way to examine your values is to find words which represent your consciousness, here are mine;

• Loving
• Kindness
• Compassion
• Courage
• Curiosity
• Complexity
• Childlike wonder
• Nature lover
• Humour

An excercise which can help you connect with you values is to list three people you admire. You don't need to know them, they don't even have to be real, they can be ficticious, superheros, animated characters. Once you have this write down some of the qualities that you like about these people. Often this list will mirror your own values - what we admire in others is actually what we admire about ourselves.

~ Future Forward 

Review of my 'Life Evolve Project' Plan

I started this blog in January 2012 with an intention of evolving my life or propelling my future forward. My original plan included 2 overall goals, some concepts to support these goals as well as my specific goals (below).

As with many aspects of my life, it seems to be my character to be over ambitious... I also faced several challanges - a shoulder injury hindered my exercise goals making it impossible to snowboard, swim or cycle for 3 months and my recurring depression sapped my motivation and energy. NOw that I've overcome these obsicles I am ready to pick up where I left off!

I've added a few notes below as I refect on each goal;

My specific goals are;

• Yoga daily at home daily +3 classes weekly
• I have started my daily practise at home but have not been to any classes yet. Living in an area filled with yogies I feel a little apprehensive about going to a class, it plays into my core beliefs around not fitting in and not being good enough.
• Meditate daily (increasing to 30m per day)
• I'll admit this practise has fallen by the wayside, I intend to start again.
• Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction & Relaxation Workshop (45m per day + weekly class)
• I completed this class and foudn it very helpful
• Writing daily - journal, reflections, Future Forward blog
• I have been writing but I would like to spend more time on this
• Reading daily, see reading list
• My focus and therefore reading list has changed, it now includes 3 books on writing, more on this later 
• Produce and show a Photography art project
• I still really want to do this and now have a clearer idea of what I want to produce and where to show it
• Create and share my 'Home History' art project
• I started this project and gained a great deal of insight into myself by going through the process, I no longer feel it is important but I plan to blog about my experience
• Walk 30+ minutes daily
• As an owner of a large dog this goal is never a problem
• Swim 3 x weekly
• I have started swimming again and my local outdoor pool is very close and almost warm enough!
• Snowboard regularly, improve switch and air skills
• Due to injury I didn't want to risk falling but I did manage 9 days on the mountain last season
• Bike to Granville Island, weekly
• I rode my bike for the first time in 3 years last week!!

My focus now is connecting with a career which is inline with my passions, values, and strengths. I plan to share my experience creating new career for myself in Communications.

Thanks for reading!

~ Future Forward

I'm Back!

Wow, what the heck happened?

Almost 3 months has gone by since I posted!

As we all know, especially in cases where denial is involved, it's possible for the days to turn into weeks, to turn into months, and if we aren't careful we're in our 80's wondering what the heck happened to our lives.

I've been thinking about Future Forward everyday. The main reason I've been hesitant to write again is because after my last post something magical started to happen... I started feeling less depressed!!

While this is great news of course, it became one of those situations where I didn't want to say the words for fear that it would all unravel. Like an artist who doesn't want to discuss their latest work for fear of jinxing it, I was afraid that if I wrote about feeling better that my depression would somehow come back.

But today I'm feeling brave so - since the middle of February my depression has pretty much disappeared. I appreciate that there are several factors which have contributed to this but it is such a relief that it still feels almost too good to be true.

Factors contributing to my reduced depression;

• Regular therapy sessions helped me to acknowledge and work through my problems and fears alleviating their hold on me and my moods.
• Regular exercise helped regulate my moods and increase my self worth, respect and esteem
• Daily meditation, mindfulness and/or active relaxation helped calm my mind, create balance and focus my efforts.
• Striving for wellness I got tested for std's, got my blood checked and got tested for food allergies. Keeping on top of my health is the kind of self care which helps me feel worthy.
• Resolving old disconnections through communication helped me let go of people and memories which were not serving me.
I feel less depressed partly because of my proactive efforts to fight for my happiness and that feels great.

Since I last wrote I have kept very busy moving home and working towards a new career.

Next post I'm going to review and revise my original goals and intentions when I began Future Forward.

Be kind to yourself.


~ Future Forward

Transforming???

The last 6 years have been particularly challenging, with many different types of loss, all of which have taken their toll. This last year I've been doing lot's of good, tough work with a therapist as well as making time to process a lot of emotional stuff on my own. It's provided mental space, some clarity and slowly my understanding and compassion flow.

Looking back at my life... My first 5 years were fairly stable, parents were together, lived in the same house, in London UK. Ages 5-18 I lived with my mom in Canada, we moved home almost annually and the environment was unstable and unconventional. My mom was into punk music, anarchy and worked in theatre; there were often 'colourful' characters around. My childhood was about as far from conservative, ordinary or normal as you can get.

Considering all this it's surprising that after graduating high school I decided to move to Oxford, UK complete two business degrees and get married, all by age 24. I had a very conservative job working for an international corporation and a 3 bedroom house, I worked hard to live up to what I perceived to be other people's expectations. After a seven year marriage, aged 31, I unintentionally began my transformation. I left my husband, moved back to Canada and...from there due to death in the family and life catching up with me, I stalled.

Now aged 37, I'm trying to pick up the pieces. I am becoming more aware of how I thought my main duty in life was to please people, particularly my family. I don't feel like I truly choose to go to university or get married, it was like I was in a dream or living on automatic. I didn't feel like I had options because I was so compelled to be accepted and loved by my family and I thought this was how I could achieve that. 

I feel very lucky to have had those opportunities and I enjoyed going to university and even being married, but they weren't the only options available and they weren't the best suited for me. In deciding to live my life for other people I lost myself.

My transformation is about healing what has passed, finding the real me that I lost along the way and becoming the woman I want to be. Right now I feel like I have a foot in both camps, the old me feels comfortable, reliable, familiar, the new me feels uncertain, fearful and alone. Transformations are tough because you have to have faith, you have to be able to believe in yourself and in the world around you. Without that there is no hope.

I miss the energy I get from being around other people, but during this intense time I find that being around others a little overwhelming. I've been isolating myself, I find it hard to have the courage to connect with people. I think its because during this transformation I feel ungrounded, dynamic maybe a little ethereal. In social settings people are driven to understand people, to see which box they fit in. I don't know what to tell people about who I am or what I do, it makes me anxious. I'm also scared of my core fears and beliefs coming up, if I hide away there is less chance of being rejected or not liked.

Maybe I need to work first on reconnecting with the true me by spending more time doing the things which make me happy and are aligned with my values and passions. Once I am more in touch with my true identity I will feel more grounded and able to go out into the world and connect with others.

Sounds like a plan!

~ Future Forward

Core Self Beliefs and Fears

We all have a unique set of self beliefs, they can help explain why sometimes people react overly sensitively to situation or help to better understand one another. Our core self beliefs and fears have a major impact on our lives and yet many of us are completely unaware the stories we tell ourselves.

Our core beliefs shape our perceptions, experiences, decisions and ultimately our lives. Detecting them takes self awareness, sometimes a dramatic or traumatic experience can help make our core beliefs become more apparent.

Core beliefs come from the messages we heard from our parents or from our early experiences. They are often learnt at a very young age becoming part of the fabric of our lives, often without our knowledge or consent.

When you feel yourself becoming unusually upset or reacting strongly to a situation this can be an indicator of a core belief. If you are able to stop and reflect on why you are having this emotional response you might be able to detect an underlying self belief.

No one can make you feel a certain way - if someone is making you feel 'stupid' for example, it is only because you have a self belief that you are stupid, you may even be looking for chances to verify your belief. The classic example is if someone says "you're a 400 pound black woman" you would not respond emotionally because this is obviously ridiculous and untrue - yet if someone says something which you (even partly) believe then you will be more sensitive because it triggers deep rooted core self beliefs.

I had a situation with a friend recently which brought to the surface a bunch of my core self beliefs and fears. It was an extremely painful experience, yet it did offer a unique opportunity gain insight into myself, and in turn heal, and grow.

During my conflict with my friend these core fears and self beliefs came up:

Core Fears:
- Fear of disappointing people, letting others down, not living up to expectations
- Fear of making mistakes and the resulting criticism
- Fear of hurting people and being hurt
- Fear of rejection and abandonment
- Fear of not being liked or being considered okay (particularly when getting close to someone and allowing them to see the 'real' me)

Core Beliefs:
- I can't do anything right
- I will never be a success (or considered 'okay' or liked for who I really am)
- I don't believe in myself and neither does anyone else
- I need to protect people from the truth because of their inability to cope

~ Future Forward

Mindfulness Meditation Class Notes

Here are some of my notes from last weeks Mindfulness Meditation class.

We discussed how during meditation the following statements very particularly reassuring and helpful - "just this moment" and "just this breath." Hearing these sayings felt like coming home, back to the present moment because that is really all there is.

We talked about how each sitting or meditation is different, each moment offers something new, sometimes peace other times frustration. I realised that, like snowboarding, meditation offers a chance to practise working through pain and discomfort. When I go snowboarding the first hour or so feels hard, my muscles are stiff and cold, as I ease into the day and get warmed up snowboarding becomes easier and more enjoyable. As I experiment with longer meditations I am finding something similar, at first my mind and body are restless but as I settle into it and work passed the frustration my body and mind begin to relax more and the sitting becomes more peaceful and enjoyable. 

Pain in body -> frustration -> awareness of tension -> intention to relax -> pain eases

We talked about judging ourselves and how important it is to have compassion for yourself, it's human nature to judge! But it's helpful to distinguish out thoughts from ourselves. A thought is just an event in the mind, we are not our thoughts yet we tend to give them too much credence. The language we use reinforces our experience, so instead of saying "I am angry" we could say "I see anger rising" instead of "I am sad" try "I am aware of sadness."

In our (Western) culture it can be hard to love ourselves or be kind to ourselves. Self hatred, self abuse and self damaging behaviour almost seems more normal. Someone once asked the Dalai Lama about self hatred, he had no understanding of this concept, there was no translation in his language. 

Brett introduced us to a couple useful concepts (tools);  

The 3-Minute Breathing Space:  (Useful when dealing with stressful or overwhelming situation - spend one minute on each stage)

1.  (Awareness - Truth of the Moment):  Tuning into your body and mind. Bring yourself into the present moment by deliberately adopting an erect and dignified posture.  If possible, close your eyes.  Then ask "What is my experience right now . . . in thoughts . . . in feelings . . . and in bodily sensations?"  Acknowledge and register your experience, even if its is unwanted.  You might say silently, "This is the way it is right now"

2.  (Gathering Awareness - Breathing):  Then, gently redirect full attention to breathing, to each inbreath and to each outbreath as they follow, one after the other.  Your breath can function as an anchor to bring you into the present and help you tune into a state of awareness and stillness.

3.  (Expanding into the Body):  Expand the field of awareness around your breathing to include a sense of the body as a whole.  Remain receptive to sensations and return to the body when the mind drifts off.

Loving-Kindness (Metta) Phrases: (Include with daily mediation, used as an antidote to fear and anxiety and for opening your heart)

Offer Loving Kindness first to yourself, then to a close friend, then a neutral person and finally to someone you have a difficult relationship with.

- May I be safe from inner and outer harm

- May I be happy and peaceful

- May I be healthy and strong in my body

- May I live with ease in this world

~ Future Forward

As I Began to Love Myself – Self Love Poem by Charlie Chaplin

As I Began to Love Myself – Self Love Poem by Charlie Chaplin (aged 70)

As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody As I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow.
Today I call it “MATURITY”.

As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything the drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems
with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born.Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”

What an amazing man! It is also interesting to see that even all those years ago people were struggling with the same problems we struggle with today, all part of being human.

~ Future Forward

3rd Mindful Based Stress Reduction and Relaxation Class

My 3rd class - this week was 'Awareness of Pleasant Experiences and Feelings'

 

We started the class with some light yoga, being mindful of how our body feels which each stretch and pose. We used intention with each movement. At the end Brett read the following poem...

If I Had My Life Over - by Nadine Stair

If I had my life to live over, I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. I'd relax, I would limber up. I would be sillier than I have been this trip. I would take fewer things seriously. I would take more chances. I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers. I would eat more ice cream and less beans. I would perhaps have more actual troubles, but I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I'm one of those people who lived sensibly and sanely, hour after hour, day after day. Oh, I've had my moments, and if I had to do it over again, I'd have more of them. In fact, I'd try to have nothing else. Just moments, one after another, instead of living so many years ahead of each day. I've been one of those persons who never goes anywhere without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute. If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.

In our discussion which followed Brett talked about how the goal of Mindful Meditation is not an empty mind but to stay present. We start each meditation with an intention to stay present, Brett reminded us of how powerful intention is.

Some people were frustrated with their inability to stop thinking. Brett offered the following insights; Try to feel less compelled by your thoughts, try to engage with them less, see them for what they really are. Naming them can be helpful - that's a thought - that's a judgement - I'm planning - I'm beating myself for doing this 'wrong'. As a therapist he told us that naming things for what they really are and being able to sit with it rather than avoid it, helps us most in letting go of them. This awareness of what's actually happening is in itself mindfulness!

We reviewed our homework of being aware and recording a pleasant event each day, recalling how we knew it was pleasant, how our bodies felt. We discussed the compulsion to sometimes cling to pleasant feelings and to resist unpleasant feelings. To seek pleasure and avoid pain is human nature. Buddhist call this a recipe for suffering. Everything is constantly shifting.

"Buddhist teachings point out that suffering arises when we resist whatever is happening in the present moment. When we don't accept the moment as it is, we suffer. While it is the most natural thing in the world to try to avoid pain, pain is unavoidable; it is a fact of life. When we resist this fact, we suffer."

We ended the class with some walking meditations, focusing on the sensations and feeling of our soles touching the floor, starting each step and each turn with intention.

 

Homework:

 

- Alternate Body Scan with Mindful Movement (yoga)

- Daily sitting meditation for 10-15 minutes, attention on breath

- Fill out unpleasant event calender each day

- Practise being mindful of going on "automatic pilot", paying attention to when, and under what circumstances, it occurs. What pulls you off centre? What do you most not want to look at or be with? 

 

~ Future Forward

Eastern Healing

I have been on a healing path for just over a year now. It all started with a course called North Shore Compass January 2011, then I started weekly therapy. With the New Year came some big life changes which have resulted in me feeling very run down and unwell. In addition to this I have been suffering from some pretty intense pain in my left shoulder which is restricting activity in my life. I think my body is telling me it's time to put the brakes on!

I am so pleased with my decision to add Body Talk to my healing, I am going twice a month and have found my first two session invaluable. I tried physio for my shoulder but was no happy with the results so I am now going to acupuncture but of course the great thing about eastern approach to medicine is that they never treat anything in isolation so I am being treated for far more than a shoulder injury.

Acupuncture - Burnaby Acupuncture

I had my second session yesterday. I highly recommend Theresa and Luke, they offer a superior service and fantastic value, both my session have been almost 2 hours and only $60.

What I particularly like about eastern medicine is how natural and holistic the approach is. Theresa takes time to check my blood pressure, look at my tongue, ask how my diet, poo, sleep and moods are. She looks at the big picture which seems so much more natural. I feel far more comfortable talking to her than I would my doctor. She also takes the time to explain things to me which, although I don't always understand, I do appreciate.

I will admit it was a bit more painful this time! The needles going in aren't painful it's the final push into, what feels like the muscle, which hurts. This time I got 2 in my belly, a few in my leg and knee, and lot's in my shoulder, forearm and hand, the later were attached to the electric pulse machine. It felt uncomfortable but bearable, only slightly like torture training!

After the needles came out (relief!) Theresa used cupping on my shoulders and later on my back. It's funny how even though the cupping hurt more it is in someways more bearable because there are no needles, amazing how anticipation and our perception effect our experiences.

After the cupping on my back Theresa said 'Dr Luke will come give you a massage'. It was unlike any massage I have ever had but it felt very healing.

I got more herbal pills, which I am loving. They help with appetite and the enzymes in my stomach. Theresa explained that if we don't have any appetite and force ourselves to eat our bellies aren't able to absorb the nutrients. The pills give me a very healthy appetite but I seem to crave smaller, healthier meals and have actually lost weight!

~ Future Forward

Body Talk - Second Session

My 2nd Body Talk session with Christa Lynn was amazing! I found it deeply comforting, reassuring and healing. I'm surprised how much she covers in one session, it's very holistic and comprehensive. I wish I could recount it all in detail but it's hard to remember all the details, I will do my best.

I noticed my anxiety increasing as I travelled to the session, all the way up to her office door, I hesitated, but relaxed when I was welcomed by a glowing Christa, big warm smile and accepting hug.

We spent a little time discussing how things were going for me, any health concerns or things that were present for me. I was still feeling a little unsure as to how to proceed or what to share with Christa but I decided to remain open minded and trust that what came up was worth sharing.

I lay on the bed and we started the Body Talk session with my pancreas which helped me to re-connect and love my true inner self. During my session Christa asked me to repeat two mantras, which were;

"It is safe to express my true self"

"I give myself permission to honour my true self and my true life"

We worked on cell repair in my heart centre, visualising a gold ball in my head and drawing it down to my heart. I think its true that I have led my life with my head more than my heart or soul and I look forward to balancing this.

Christa told me that the pain in my left shoulder is partly caused by resistance in my life, resisting my true inner self. This really resonated for me and helped open my mind to how many of the decisions in my life have been made based on the expectations of others, wanting to please.

Christa mentioned hand chakras, how everything we touch effects us, our hands help create in our life.

Christa noticed that my stress centre, located at the back of my brain, was switched on. This effects the nervous system causing stress and pain to seem more intense and stay with us longer. She used Body Talk to help switch it off so I can continue my healing process, stay calmer, deal with stress better.

She asked me to say my name at birth to help connect with my true calling, path purpose.

She talked about needing to feel more joy in my heart. She talked about how as a society we have learnt to find false joy in shopping, addictions, substances, ect - but the apparent joy we gain from these things is not genuine or lasting. Pure joy comes from our heart. Christa said that water helps us connect with joy. She asked me to imagine that every time I drink water I am filling my heart with joy. To spend time walking by water. I extended this to being in water, my love of floating in hot, salty bubble baths. 

There was so much more wisdom and insight that I gained from my session but that is all that I can recall right now. 

At the end of me session I asked Christa a little more about the other services she offers. She is a Usui Reiki Master and teaches Reiki, she explained how she offers Reiki in conjunction with Body Talk to help heal people. For example she has cancer patience or people who use her services before and after surgery to help avoid infection and help help incisions. Reiki and Body Talk have helped to reduce the side effects of chemotherapy such as hair loss and nausea.

Christa also mentioned that she is a shamanic healer and that this healing art has been practised for over 40,000 years and many modern medical practises and pharmaceuticals stem from shamanism. I feel very privileged to be seeing Christa and am so grateful to have her as part of my team of healers.

~ Future Forward

Human Beings not Human Doings

Tonight was my 2nd Mindful Based Stress Reduction class. I had a rough day and was feeling overwhelmingly  agitated, angry and sad.  We started the class with a long Body Scan meditation which was helpful.  

In the discussion after Brett talked about how we not only become used to comfort, but demand it. The itch which must be scratched, the uncomfortable position we are urged to shift, our desire for pleasure can be overwhelming. While this might seem like a logical response it leaves little room for acceptance of the reality of discomfort.

Brett talked about the duality of comfort/discomfort, light/dark, ups/downs, pleasure/pain; you can't have one, joy, without the other, sadness. The benefit of learning to accept discomfort is the ability to create space for things like grief. When you focus on pain or discomfort it often shifts, it is dynamic, an urge to sneeze can mysteriously disappear once it is given awareness and acceptance.

A large part of the mindfulness practise is learning to come off auto-pilot so if you are going to scratch that itch or shift positions during meditation it is recommended that you do so with intention.

We talked about how hard it can be to let go of 'doing' and being okay with just 'being' - accepting the present moment for exactly what it is - letting go of fantasy, fixing, worrying, judging, planning...

"Worrying is like planning for what you don't want"

After our discussion we discussed our homework from last week which led to some more interesting insights and then we did our first sitting meditation. Brett told us of a way to use counting to help focus our mind and reminded us that if we can stay present and mindful for 3 breathes we are doing well.

This week I've been contemplating the idea of acceptance; of myself and of not knowing...

Our homework this week is;

- Body Scan meditation, daily
- Sitting meditation for 5-10 minutes, paying attention to breath, daily
- Workbook, Pleasant Events, one per day
- Daily mindful activity
- One mindful meal

Here are some poems about Mindfulness 

~ Future Forward

Mindful Images

As I practise mindfulness I keep seeing new things which bring me joy, sooooo I thought I'd share a few!

The first was during one of my self care baths I suddenly noticed how the only strip of square tiles to be all colour, without a white tile was directly below the seam of the tiles above. In becoming aware of this I noticed how this made me feel content and joyful, I giggled at how simply silly and yet wildly wonderful this was to me.

Walking my dog the other day, something I do 4 times a day, I suddenly noticed how beautifully vibrant the red branches of this bush were. I walked down this street, passed this bush, many times but had never noticed it before. It's pure unassuming beauty made me smile with joy, it was life a gift.

Again walking my dog, the sound of busy birds brought my attention and mindfulness to a hedge, I suddenly noticed how stunningly attractive the bright orange and red berries were, such a treat in the cold, dark dead of winter.

I'm blessed with a healthy, active, curiosity; something which at times has felt like a curse, but in reality has helped me to live mindfully at time.

I grew up in cities and for a long time considered myself a city person. In the last 5 years, after spending 15 years living in a small town, I have realised that I am no longer a city person. This has not been easy for me to accept. I almost feel strange admitting that I'm not a city person, what on earth will my city friends think?

My true acceptance has come in understanding that for me nature holds the most wonderful gifts, which can only be truly appreciated through mindfulness. The odd way a tree has grown, the shape, colour and feel or a rock, the emerald green of ferns and moss, the delight of witnessing the animals who live in the forest - these things have always brought me great joy and heartfelt love for myself and my environment. I think in the future I will allow myself to spend more time in nature, without purpose, just simply being and enjoying all the endless gifts there are to be found.

~ Future Forward

2 Inspirational Films

Life Cycle Film

How To Be Alone

Mindful Based Stress Reduction and Relaxation

I just returned from my first MBSR class. I was a little nervous going in, a little shy making eye contact but I reminded myself to remain open minded, and grateful for my lack of expectations.

It was a fairly large group of 17 and every seat was taken, I felt privileged to be part of the group. Brett Peterson led the session, his calm, confident, strong voice reassuring me. After the 'house keeping' and general notes about the class we had to find a partner and introduce ourselves, my anxiety increased with my heartbeat, the experience made me a little uneasy but I found pleasure and comfort in hearing my partners thoughts.

We then introduced ourselves to the group, ekkk, one of my dreaded tasks. It felt easier than I expected and I was able to be a little more open then I was with my partner, admitting depression without fear of judgement. We stated our name, why we were there and what our concerns, if any, were. This is what I said;

"I'm here to find a healthy tool for dealing with anxiety, depression and stress. Over the last year I have been doing a lot of healing work and a concern I have is that I may get emotional. I started meditating a few weeks ago and after my first 10 minute session I got very emotional. I didn't expect this so I wanted to warn you all that it might happen."

It felt affirming to be open and shameless about who I am and what my fears were.

Next we did an eating meditation. Brett gave us each a raisin and with mindfulness we examined the raisin as if we had never seen one before. We looked at it's wrinkles and crevices, watched how the light reflected off it, smelt it, listened to it while squeezing it between our finger and thumb (yes they make a noise!) and finally we placed it in our mouths. We noticed our desires or impulses before intentionally chewing and swallowing the raisin.

I discovered that, with awareness I was able to find beauty and joy in something I had regarded as ugly, this brought me happiness. Brett talked about how as children we discovered things for the first time but as things became common or ordinary to us we created a concept or idea of what that thing is. If we decide the raisins are boring or tasteless we enter eating one with this idea and eat the idea rather than the raisin itself. For me this really resonated with people, how when someone pigeonholes you it can make it hard to change because you are stuck in their assumptions of who you are.

Next we did a Body Scan Meditation, we lay on the floor and were guided by Brett to bring awareness and breathe to each area of our body. I noticed that when I was able to remain present and mindful, of his voice and my body, I felt relaxed. When thoughts occurred or I felt restless, I judged myself, I was annoyed and frustrated about this and then I judged the judgements and the anxiety increased.

Our homework is to do a 15 minute guided Body Scan Meditation daily, to bring mindfulness to one activity daily such as brushing your teeth and once during the week to eat one meal mindfully, in silence. 

It was a wonderful first class, I am excited to be part of this program and was very encourage to learn that it is actually being applied in the Vancouver School System in a program called MindUP. This program was introduced to Vancouver schools thanks to the actress Goldie Hawn and her Hawn Foundation.

~ Future Forward

Healing Helpers

There are so many different approaches to healing, sometimes it can be hard to know which is best. My primary focus is currently healing myself. Generally speaking I am fairly healthy, I have an old shoulder injury that flared up but aside from that I just feel run down and out of balance. I am doing the best I can to set myself up for success to heal myself but I can't do it alone, in isolation, the reality is I need all the help I can get! I've included links to the wonderful healers I see, I highly recommend all of them. 

Therapy - Shanti Centre
I traditionally had mixed feelings about therapy, over the last five years I saw four therapists, but I didn't connect with any of them. Part of the problem was that I didn't trust or understand the process. Around this time last year I invested in seeing a therapist regularly for at least a year. It hasn't been easy or comfortable but it has been extremely rewarding. Looking back at the last year I am so proud of my courage, dedication and progress. Subtle but very real shifts have occurred which have changed my life. I am so thankful for this gift that I am investing in myself.

Acupuncture - Burnaby Acupuncture
I don't hold much faith in Western medicine, sure it has a place but it's not always the best or only way approach. The problem is that it often works in isolation, we are holistic beings, our body effects our mind and vice versa. Such narrow focus seems extremely limiting to me.

I admit I was scared to try acupuncture. I have a lot of courage but can't stand needles, even seeing someone get an injection on TV makes me squeamish. In 2006 I injured my shoulder snowboarding (rotator cuff tear). I tried everything and after 6 months of ongoing pain I finally broke down and tried acupuncture. It healed me. 

This time around it was my hormones which motivated me to seek out an acupuncturist. Being a woman can be tough, fluctuating hormones heavily impact moods, disposition, out look on life and ability to cope. I've always suffered from terrible PMS but it took me year as to link my extreme shifts from pessimism to optimism with my ministration cycle.  When I finally made this connection it was a huge relief for me because I honestly had felt like I was going crazy on a monthly basis! 

With awareness and observation I now understand that when I'm ovulating I feel wonderfully confident, hopeful and optimistic. I feel like anything is possible, the world is my oyster. My magnetism and ability to influence and charm were heightened. I could nail any interview or presentation.

Conversely, the way I feel during the week or so of PMS is overwhelmingly hopelessness and pessimism. Really all I want to do is curl up in a dark corner alone and hide. 

Obviously monthly shifts of this intensity can severely impact careers, relationships and general well being. The constant fluctuations are unsettling and confusing.

Body Talk - The Body Talk Clinic by Christa Lynn
A friend introduced me to Body Talk, last week I had my first session, it happened to be on the same day as my acupuncture session.

Interestingly one of the first things Christa noted was that my Yin energy was low or weak - exactly the same thing my acupuncturist had noticed hours before!

The first thing that came up was fear in my lungs. Christa detected the following self belief - "I can do it myself". This really surprised me because my family always reminded me that from a very young age my favourite saying was "I can do it my big self". Obviously they found my fierce independence amusing but on reflection I think this self belief has narrowed or limited my ability to receive help or collaborate with others.

The second thing that came up was anger and resentment stored in my liver and a mantra - "It is safe to shine" This really resonated with me, from a young age I learnt to contain my fire, my passion and energy as I felt it overwhelmed people. I sensed that my parents were already struggling to cope and didn't want to be a burden so I learnt to dull my shine for the benefit of others. Recently one of my biggest struggles has been connecting my true self, my dreams and my purpose (career), I can see now how hard that would be if I wasn't

The third thing was my skin, holding my back from creating bonds, as well as receiving love and support. The self belief "I am responsible" came up which strongly resonated with me as I have always felt responsible for my own safety and survival. For as long as I can remember I learnt not to trust others for my well being and learnt to only trust myself because that was the only thing I could control.

The final area was my hurt left shoulder where I carried a lot of anger, sadness and grief. Christa also noted that my collar bone was out of alignment. After working on this area the pain was gone and my shoulder wasn't as rounded, my posture was more open.

I look forward to my next session!

~ Future Forward

Self Care 101

"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe,

deserve your love and affection." (Buddha)

Self Care is anything we do to care for ourselves with love and respect.

The opposite of self care is self damaging behaviour, such as; smoking, drinking too much, doing drugs, eating poorly, not exercising, ect. People often result to self damaging behaviour as a result of depression, yet self care actually helps alleviate depression.

I have often felt that it was easier (and more pleasurable or rewarding) to care for others than for myself. In the past I've felt more motivated to make an extra effort for someone else, I think there was a part of me that felt it was selfish to put myself first.

When I divorced in 2006 one of the things I struggled with most was cooking for myself. Not out of lack of ability, I did all the cooking when I was married, but lack of motivation. If I was cooking for someone else I would go all out, nothing but the best ingredients, hours spent lovingly preparing delicious feasts, and yet cooking for myself seemed pointless, meaningless.

I didn't value myself enough to make the effort but now I really get that taking time to cook for myself is a way of loving myself, which in turn empowers me, increases my self esteem and my motivation to give myself even more gifts of self care. 

Over time I have come to better understand the value of self care. I've learnt that when I care lovingly for myself not only do I become more inspired and motivated but my self esteem also increases.

Below are some of the things I do to care for myself, no longer chores they have become enjoyable opportunities to love myself;

* Starting and ending my day by taking time to care for my skin, washing my face, exfoliating and moisturising - the result - looking in the mirror and seeing beautiful, healthy, fresh skin!! (which in turn reminds me to drink more water)

* Eating regularly. When I feel stressed and depressed I lose my appetite and 'forget' to eat which in turn effects my mood and ability to cope with stress - it's a losing game.

* Exercise. Research has shown that even a 5 minute walk can lift your mood and reduce depression (why do you think dog owners are so happy?) When I'm exercising regularly I also eat, sleep and think better.

* Paint my toenails. The only love affair I currently have is with myself, but heck yes I'm worth it! Seeing my pretty colourful toenails makes me smile.

* Watch less TV - Listen to more Music. The Red Hot Chili Peppers had it right "throw away your television" A guilty pleasure... but seriously, overuse is unhealthy. Over the last year I abused it, filling the silence, it became my 'friend' a loud, bossy demanding friend. Yes it's great for avoiding dealing with your life, living vicariously through others, and I agree that shows like Hoarders make us 'feel better' about our own lives cause heck, at least it's not as bad as theirs. Ultimately TV is unhealthy, it saps creativity and the flicker rate induces a hypnotic effect, stopping us from reaching out potential. 

My absolute favourite though is.... drum roll please... a hot bubble bath with Epsom salts in a candlelit bathroom listening to my favourite bath soundtrack Massive Attack - Blue Line (click to listen) This has been my number 1 bath soundtrack consistently since 1994!



~ Future Forward