Core Self Beliefs and Fears

We all have a unique set of self beliefs, they can help explain why sometimes people react overly sensitively to situation or help to better understand one another. Our core self beliefs and fears have a major impact on our lives and yet many of us are completely unaware the stories we tell ourselves.

Our core beliefs shape our perceptions, experiences, decisions and ultimately our lives. Detecting them takes self awareness, sometimes a dramatic or traumatic experience can help make our core beliefs become more apparent.

Core beliefs come from the messages we heard from our parents or from our early experiences. They are often learnt at a very young age becoming part of the fabric of our lives, often without our knowledge or consent.

When you feel yourself becoming unusually upset or reacting strongly to a situation this can be an indicator of a core belief. If you are able to stop and reflect on why you are having this emotional response you might be able to detect an underlying self belief.

No one can make you feel a certain way - if someone is making you feel 'stupid' for example, it is only because you have a self belief that you are stupid, you may even be looking for chances to verify your belief. The classic example is if someone says "you're a 400 pound black woman" you would not respond emotionally because this is obviously ridiculous and untrue - yet if someone says something which you (even partly) believe then you will be more sensitive because it triggers deep rooted core self beliefs.

I had a situation with a friend recently which brought to the surface a bunch of my core self beliefs and fears. It was an extremely painful experience, yet it did offer a unique opportunity gain insight into myself, and in turn heal, and grow.

During my conflict with my friend these core fears and self beliefs came up:

Core Fears:
- Fear of disappointing people, letting others down, not living up to expectations
- Fear of making mistakes and the resulting criticism
- Fear of hurting people and being hurt
- Fear of rejection and abandonment
- Fear of not being liked or being considered okay (particularly when getting close to someone and allowing them to see the 'real' me)

Core Beliefs:
- I can't do anything right
- I will never be a success (or considered 'okay' or liked for who I really am)
- I don't believe in myself and neither does anyone else
- I need to protect people from the truth because of their inability to cope

~ Future Forward